


Greasiest angel in the garrison

by glitteronyourkitty



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Beads, Cas has no shame, Castiel Masturbates, Dean is so awkward, Gay Castiel (Supernatural), Hard times was the alternate name, Hinted Destiel - Freeform, Human Cas is either super into self care or a complete trash human, Human Castiel in the Bunker, I COULD HAVE CALLED THE SHOP "THE SMUT HUT", I REGRET NOTHING, I'm so sorry I made you an employee at an adult store Angel, I'm sorry for anyone who reads this, Lube covered crack, M/M, Masturbation, Sex Shop, Sex Toys, Sorry about the slight porn Angel!, This was written after a conversation about cas' lube preferences got out of control, What am I doing, can you find the RHCP easter eggs?, good vibrations was the best name I could come up with, i swear i'm not high, lots of lube talk, plot with a porn, sex positive Cas, the author knows far too much about lube, the author likes to ramble, unsexy language in sexy scenes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-03-20 22:44:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13727562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitteronyourkitty/pseuds/glitteronyourkitty
Summary: Cas is trying to find a lubricant that he can enjoy. Awkward conversations, humor, and slippery fun ensues.





	Greasiest angel in the garrison

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AngelthePluviophile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelthePluviophile/gifts).



Cas put on the old shirt Dean had lended him when he had first moved into the bunker. It was soft, and in no way an ugly shirt, but as he put it on and glanced in the mirror, Cas couldn't help but wish for a few shirts of his own. While he and Dean where relatively similar in size, they were proportioned in different ways, Dean's stomach requiring slightly more fabric, and Cas' bicep not quite fitting the slim armholes that fit the hunter. These inconsistencies caused the shirt to cling oddly to his form. As the fallen angel stretched a sleeve over the offending muscle he thought to himself, considering buying a shirt without sleeves, as they look far less constrictive.  
However, Cas realized, the hunt for better fitting clothing would have to wait. Today he had planed on shopping for something quite different. 

 

_________________________________________

 

Dean sat at the breakfast table, mindlessly sipping at his coffee and gnawing on a piece of toast burned beyond recognition.  
_Crispy_ as he had called it.  
Cas walked in, clothed but for his feet. Dean wondered how he could stand to cold floors of the bunker.  
"mornin' Cas" he shot between charcoal-y bites  
"Good morning Dean" replied Cas, as he made his way to the coffee pot, pouring himself a cup.  
"You got any plans for today?" Asked the hunter, thinking that if Cas wasn't doing anything he could invite him to watch another classic movie.  
"I do in fact, I was planing on going shopping, in hopes of finding a personal lubricant that I actually like." said Cas, without a hint of embarrassment.  
Deans mouth would have fell open if not for the singed bread inside. Did Cas just say, _personal lubricant_? Castiel, ex-angel of the friging' lord, was talking about lube!  
"The Durex is too sticky, the Astroglyde doesn't last long enough, and the K-Y is incredibly difficult to clean up, however those seem to be the only varieties available at most stores, so I was going to visit that shop downtown, 'Good Vibration'" He explained, putting the name in air quotes.  
Once again Dean's brain seemed to fry in his skull. Surly Cas wasn't talking about the sex shop down in the small Lebanon mall?

It wasn't that the hunter had never thought about Cas in a sexual light before, (He had been the star of plenty of his wet dreams) but the thought that his companion chased his own carnal desires was a shocking revelation. Dean had always assumed that Cas had no interest in any type of erotic behavior. Apparently he was wrong about that.  
"Do you um...need a um...a ride" He offered, almost slapping himself for his choice of words.  
"No, I'm fine thanks, I was planning on taking the bus, can I get you anything while I'm there?" Asked Cas, completely unaware of the other man's struggle to hold onto composure.  
Dean's brain fried one more time at the question

 

____________________________________________________________

 

After a lengthy bus ride, Cas found himself at the entrance of the store. Stepping inside, his eyes scanned over the shelves, each meticulously organised. Seeing the isle marked "Slippery fun" he walked over to it. As Cas looked over the shelf, he realized that he had no idea what to look for. There were so many brands, and each of those brands had a myriad of varieties, extra smooth, warming, cooling, silicon, water based, flavored, there were so many! It was just plain overwhelming. Seeing his befuddled expression, one of the employees, approached him.  
"Can I help you find something sir?" she offered, much to Castiel's relief.  
"Thank you very much...Alaina" he began, addressing her by the title on her name tag "I would appreciate that, I have no idea what to look for, there are so many choices"  
She gave him and friendly smile and look towards the rack, her long curly hair swishing as she turned.  
"Have you used any kind of lube before?" she asked kindly, a slight country accent in her voice.  
"Yes but I found them...unsatisfactory" He sighed  
"Maybe if you tell me what you didn't like about them I can find you something better suited to your needs" she suggested.  
"Well, this one was more sticky than slick, it did the opposite of lubricating" He offered, pointing at the offending brand.  
"I kept having to re-apply the astroglyde" Cas added, as she nodded her head.  
"This took forever to get this one off of my skin" he concluded "and it smelled like plastic" he said, crinkling his nose.  
"So we need to find you something smooth, long lasting, easy to clean, and good smelling" She responded, turning once more to the shelf.  
"That shouldn't be too hard to find!" Her voice optimistic. She grabbed a purple bottle off the shelf and held it out to Castiel. The label read "Durex 2 in 1" with a picture of a plant in the left hand corner.  
"I know it's the same brand as the sticky one, but this stuff is a lot smoother, and it's made with aloe, so it doesn't smell super artificial." Said Alaina, handing him the bottle. As Cas took the bottle she spun around to grab another one off the shelf. This one was green and had a picture of a hummingbird on it.  
"This stuff" She said, turning the bottle around to show Cas the ingredients "Is made with all natural ingredients" She continued.  
"It's super easy to clean up and it comes in a cinnamon flavored variety that smells really good" She added, showing him a red version of the same product. Cas Picked up this bottle, studying it.  
"I think I'll try the flavored one, I do enjoy the taste of cinnamon" He mumble.  
"I hope you don't think I'm nosy, but if you don't mind me asking, are you using these for solo play or partnered sex?" She asked, causing a slight redness to bloom on Castiels cheeks. He realized that the social connotation of masturbation often implied that one was not good enough to attain a partner. He hoped that the woman would not look down on him for not having lover. After briefly considering lying to her, he decided to tell the truth.  
"These are just for me" He answered wishing that the answer was different.  
Alaina smiled and turned to face the shelves behind them.  
"Great!" She said pointing him towards the products she was now facing, "That means you also have the option of oil based lubes too!"  
Cas wondered why the ones made of oil were only for people to use alone, and as if she had read his mind, Alaina started explaining why.  
"Oil based lube is great in many ways but it deteriorates latex, so it can cause condoms to break" she explained, then pointed at a small yellow container that looked like the tub of dairy free spread Sam kept in the fridge.  
"This stuff is great for anal play if you're into that" She said. Cas picked up the lubricant, he had been meaning to try alternative methods of manual stimulation, so he thought it wise to get the right product to do so. Alaina then showed him a selection of massage oils, letting him smell the different scents. In the end he chose the sage scented one.  
"Need help finding anything else?: she asked, glancing over the rest of the shop.  
Cas ended up adding a box of condoms and a smalls set of anal beads to his purchase.

 

_______________________________________________________________

An hour later Cas returned to the bunker with his bag of goodies. When he got to his room he set out the bottles on his night stand, trying to choose which one to test first. He realized that he could test two at a time, one on his erection, and one analy. After deciding to try the two oil lubricants first, he went about his normal pre-masturbatory routine, making his bed, dimming the lamp, and lighting his candles. Having a routine helped him get into the right frame of mind, that this is all for him, and that he deserved to enjoy it. As Cas stripped down to his skin he reminded himself that he was not wrong for doing these things, that those who told him it was a sin where only trying to scare him, and that he was allowed to enjoy his body just as much as any human was. He took off his final layer, leaving his socks on so that his feet wouldn't get cold. After folding it all into a neat pile that he left on the dresser, he lay down on the bed, taking a deep breath and closing his eye, letting his mind wander. He thought of strong hands and soft eyes, of men he had seen in bars. He thought about the humans he had seen copulating during his time as an angel, and how they had been so eager to share pleasure with each other. He let his hands wander down his chest, onto his stomach where they rested for a moment, before letting the one reach down to trace his hip bone. The other moved back up to a pebbled nipple, not playing with it, just resting over it. The lower hand continued to move down, eventually reaching the flesh below that was only just beginning to rise. Two finger ran down the length causing the sensitive organ to twitch, and swell further. Cas let out as sigh of enjoyment as he warped his hand around his member, slowly working himself to full hardness. He reached over to his side table and took the bottle of massage oil. Poring a small amount in his hand he began applying it to his erection, letting his fist slide over the the warm hardness, doing so just on the edge of too slow. A moan made it's way out of his throat as a finger brushed over the sensitive slit. Reaching back to the side table he brought the yellow container and the purple beard onto the bed. Opening the lubricant he dipped two fingers into the butter-like substance. Reaching around he applied the slick cream to his entrance, letting his finger run over the tight pucker, circling around it till curiosity got the best of him. Relaxing and prodding at the muscle, the tip of his pointer finger slid inside. After a few seconds he deemed the sensation as neither painful or pleasurable. Deciding that the toy might be more arousing, he picked up the beads and added some of the thick lubricant to them. Lying on his side he held the tip of the toy to is anus and pushed. Cas gasped as the first bead popped in. He pushed in a second larger bead, before drawing it out, groaned at the feeling of it tugging at his rim. Slowly he reinserted the bead he had just removed and pushed in another after it when in. He repeated the motion of pulling one out, pushing two in until they where all snugly in his hole. Moving one hand back to the turgid organ, jacking at it fervently. His other hand wiggled the base of the toy, causing Cas to cry out in pleasure as it prodded at a sensitive bundle of nerves. He pumped the largest bead in and out, pushing the tip of the toy against his prostate, hand beginning to blur as he sped up the movements. He felt the wave of arousal crashing over him, knowing that he was approaching climax. His moans got louder as he forgot to be quiet, only being able to focus on the familiar tightens in his stomach. Hands moving rushed and sloppily, as he desperately pushed toward release. The large bead popped out one last time as the pleasure hit him. His hole clenching on the toy as his erection pulsed, making a mess of the comforter on his bed. He stilled as his muscle relaxed from the recent exertion, panting as he came down from the high. Cas slowly extracted the toy, tensing slightly from over stimulation. As he settled under the covers and started to drift off he silently praised himself for his purchases, knowing he would take full advantage of them in the future.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing even close to porn I've ever written so sorry if it was bad!  
> I love when folks comment so don't worry about it bugging me!
> 
> Here are the lubes Cas bought btw:  
> https://www.amazon.com/Durex-Massage-Lubricant-Soothing-Touch/dp/B00B29WMIQ
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Good-Clean-Love-Cinnamon-Lubricant/dp/B000BFN9HA/ref=sr_1_6_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1519004145&sr=1-6&keywords=good+clean+love
> 
> https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Butter-Personal-Lubricant-Original/dp/B00GIXPQ9I/ref=sr_1_2_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1519004195&sr=8-2&keywords=boy+butter
> 
> The last one he buys is a made up brand ;)
> 
>  
> 
> UPDATE!!! I FOUND A PLAYLIST ON SPOTIFY CALLED "GOOD VIBES" AND IT'S ALL SONGS ABOUT MASTURBATION!!!!! LISTEN TO IT HERE: https://open.spotify.com/user/plannedparenthoodaction/playlist/5NMWXbvk4nDHgKdbvhNuPt?si=w5WiFG7FSF2OwjrS-4FMzg


End file.
